Tuesday, January 6, 2009

My Voice

I'm losing my voice. My consolation prize: I feel a ton better than I did yesterday, meaning it doesn't feel like a needle is jabbing at the back of my throat anymore. Definitely a plus!

Since I have to strain to speak, I'm going to try to keep my lips sealed for the day. Granted, I'm still at work (go me. I'm such a good employee =0), so talking, at random points throughout the day, will be involved, but I'm going to try my best to rest my voice so as not to lose it completely. That's only happened once before, and I'd prefer not to re-live it.

It was about a week and a half before I graduated from Augustana College. I hadn't had a cold, I hadn't been drinking (heavily) the night before. I just woke up, and, boom, no voice. I felt completely and utterly fine -- my throat didn't feel scratchy whatsoever. But when I opened my lips to speak, nothing came out.

For the next few days - through graduation parties, phone calls from my mom trying to make plans for visiting for graduation, and my best friend's engagement party - I had to whisper if I was going to talk at all. But, even after a few seconds (not minutes, mind you), my throat felt strained.

So, I gave up speaking as much as possible. I literally became a wallflower, an observer of everything. It was extremely hard, not being able to partake in the convos around me, but at certain times it was kind of nice, just being able to listen. Plus, I noticed more around me since I didn't have my own voice to distract myself. For any writer, I think that can be useful - learning to be an observer, utterly and completely.

Yet, not being able to speak gets extremely tiring. At Razan's engagement party, I was introduced to her huge family - many of whom I was meeting for the first time - and I struggled even to say, "Hi. How are you?" My friends and roommates had to explain to them, especially the older crowd, why they couldn't hear me.

I don't want that again. I like my voice. I like talking. I like participating in conversations.

But, maybe, in case this happens again, I should start learning sign language - just to be safe.

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