Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Critique my pitch for 'Through Charlotte's Eyes'

I'm taking part in Heather Webb's super awesome pitch-ilicious blog hop contest. Read more about it here.

I'll let the pitch speak for itself... (but just add this is for my 80,000 word YA historical, Through Charlotte's Eyes).

Critique away!

When 18-year-old Anne Marie is shipped off to Paris to live with her grandmother, she tries to sort out the lies about her mother's death that have been propagated by a cold grandmother and a distant father. In her pursuit of the truth, she tumbles – literally – into the life of a distant relative, Charlotte Corday, who her mother once considered a hero. With her two realities becoming increasingly intertwined, Anne must decide whether or not to follow Charlotte’s destiny: to kill one man to save 100,000.

10 comments:

Heather Webb said...

HA! I love this premise. ;) As a Francofile and one who has written about this period in history, I'd love to read this book! That being said, let's spiff it up a bit.

Be sure to emphasize the time period! It sells well and though Charlotte Corday is a known figure to those of us who love to research the French Revolutionary period, she will be an unknown to many--teens in particular.

1. When 18 year old Anne Marie is shipped off to Paris to live with her grandmother, she plans to sort out the lies about her mother's mysterious death.
2. In her pursuit of the truth, she tumbles through time into the life of a distant relative, Charlotte Corday, a French socialite entrenched in the scandals of the Revolution.
3.As her two realities become intertwined, Anne must decide whether to follow Charlotte’s destiny--to murder a radical leader for the good of France--or to follow her own.

Good luck with this and keep working! :)

Carrie-Anne said...

This sounds like an interesting premise, and I love finding other writers of YA historical. I agree with emphasizing the time period, since I wouldn't have guessed it's the French Revolution.

D. D. Falvo said...

I love the premise! And I'm afraid Heather nailed it. I can't offer any other critique that is better. Great work. :)

Bree said...

Nice one. I think that filling in a bit is a good idea. Also, probably trivial but is there a way to remove one of the 'grandmother' words out of the first sentence. (I was going to try rearranging but it's not easy). It's just a pet peeve or something, the repetition distracts me.

Angela said...

Ek! This is fabulous! Yay! I agree with Heather though. It needs a little trimming. Try reading it out loud, that always helps. Good luck girl!!!

Peggy Strack said...

A great premise that makes me want to read more--great! Anne Marie sounds like a sympathetic and intriguing character.

JL Oiler said...

I could do nothing more then agree with everyone else..I like the suggested change for the last sentence which clarifys more the killing of one to save 100,000.

Anonymous said...

I agree that Heather nailed it - the perfect second set of eyes. That being said, I would love to read this!

Celia said...

I agree with Heather, she said it all. I also didn't know who Charlotte was, so the added info on her was helpful. I'd love to read this :)

Liz S said...

Thanks SO much for all the wonderful comments! I really appreciate it. :)